As I gaze into my 2023 crystal ball, I'm envisioning the business and economics stories that will so dominate the news that you'll all be sick of them soon. I'm seeing the words "recession," "crypto," "debt ceiling," the "M&M's spokescandy scandals..."
And yet, I am bound my duty as a journalist not to shy away from the hard candy shell news. I know, I know, you're all tired of the media's relentless coverage of the M&M Spokescandy Saga, aka the Culture War Battle that is shaping social discourse in the Year of Our Lord 2023.
Here's the thing: After all the (manufactured?) drama surrounding the de-sexing of the Green M&M and the feminist-ing of her Purple counterpart, M&M is suspending the entire spokescandy campaign. For a bit, anyway.
The company claims it didn't think anyone would notice when it released the changes to the characters' appearance. "We definitely didn't think it would break the internet," it said in a press release that frankly reeked of champagne and high fives.
Oh you didn't think anyone would notice, M&M marketing wizards? Well, we did.
ICYMI: Last year, M&M's unveiled a new look for its anthropomorphized candy characters.
While most of the updates were subtle, the substitution of Green's go-go boots for more-practical-looking white sneakers — "the kind that Melanie Griffith's character in Working Girl changes into at her desk to signal she's a Girlboss with a head for business and a bod for sin," wrote EJ Dickson in a provocatively titled Rolling Stone article that, frankly, I wish I'd written — did not escape the internet's wrath.
"Give Green her boots back," cried a Washington Post op-ed. A petition to "keep the green M&M sexy" garnered over 20,000 signatures. M&Ms didn't give in, but it did note in its statement on Monday that "even a candy's shoes can be polarizing."
Then came another change: A new character, Purple, joined the lineup as part of a limited-edition package honoring International Women's Day.
Apparently the gender identity of — and I can't stress this enough — fictional representations of junk food in human form, is fodder for the Fox News woke police.
"If this is what you need for validation, an M&M that is the color that you think is associated with feminism, then I'm worried about you," Fox News anchor Martha MacCallum said, adding that the move *checks notes*... emboldened China?
"I think that makes China say, 'Oh, good, keep focusing on that. Keep focusing on giving people their own color M&M'S while we take over all of the mineral deposits in the entire world.'"
So rather than just, like, ignoring those performatively pearl-clutchy reactions, M&M's is taking an "indefinite pause" from the spokescandy crew.
Comedian Maya Rudolph (10/10, no notes) is stepping in to shill for the brand in the meantime, "allowing the colorful cast of M&M's spokescandies to step away and embrace a new path to pursue other passions," an M&M'S spokesperson told CNN in an email.
My colleague Danielle Wiener-Bronner has more on this unsavory saga.
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